Perfectionism and Anxiety in Teens: What Parents Should Know
Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health disorders worldwide. With that, research shows that about one-third of all adolescents experience an anxiety disorder. While the symptoms exist on a wide spectrum, anxiety can affect various areas of functioning. Anxiety and perfectionism can coincide and reinforce one another. This becomes especially problematic for teenagers who often feel immense pressure when it comes to their friends, appearance, academic performance, sports, extracurriculars, future plans, and overall personality.
Anxiety Disorders in Teenagers
Everyone experiences anxious feelings, so it can be challenging for parents to discern normal development from chronic or severe anxiety. Anxiety symptoms can include a combination of physical, emotional, and relational issues. Below are some of the primary anxiety disorders;
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
GAD entails having excessive and uncontrollable worries about various areas of life. Individuals suffering from GAD often feel overwhelmed, inaccurately perceive situations/events as threatening, have difficulty tolerating uncertainty, have the inability to relax, and have difficulty concentrating or are restless. They may experience physical symptoms of muscle tension, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, agitation and chest tightness.
Panic disorder
Panic disorder refers to experiencing recurrent panic attacks coupled with feeling worried about having panic attacks. Panic attacks are characterized by sudden intense fear accompanied by severe physical symptoms (ie: chest pain, dizziness,tingling/numbness or hands, nausea, difficulty breathing, shaking).
Social anxiety disorder
Social anxiety entails having intense concerns about social interactions. Individuals experiencing this type of anxiety specifically worry about receiving negative judgment from others. They may experience irrational fear, amplified embarrassment, negative self talk and self concert, and self consciousness. This may lead them to avoid certain social settings, experience isolation or limit social exposure which further proliferate negative beliefs and apprehension.
Specific phobia
A specific phobia refers to having excessive worries about a specific feared situation, person, or place. Some common phobias include heights, spiders, crowded spaces, germs, and flying.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
Although it’s not classified as an anxiety disorder, OCD consists of obsessions (intrusive thoughts) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors intended to mitigate the intensity of those thoughts).
Eating disorders
Eating disorders are also not classified as anxiety disorders, but the chronic and disturbed relationship with food, body image, and weight corresponds with heightened anxiety levels.
Post-traumatic stress disorder
PTSD is also not specifically classified as an anxiety disorder. However, it entails many anxiety symptoms, including intrusive thoughts, sleep problems, hypervigilance, and difficulty concentrating in response to a traumatic experience. It is common for people with PTSD to also have a co-occurring anxiety disorder.
The Relationship Between Anxiety and Perfectionism
Not all anxious teenagers experience perfectionism, but many people with perfectionistic tendencies also exhibit anxiety symptoms.
Fear of Rejection
Some children and teens are perfectionistic because they have tied their self-worth to their external achievements. For example, they may believe they are more likable if they earn straight A’s or make the varsity team. This thought process isn’t always conscious, but it can certainly drive an intense desire for success.
Fear of Failure
Failure can trigger immense fears for anxious children and teenagers. Unfortunately, we also live in a society that condemns failure, and the expectation for success can seep into schools and athletics.
Fear of Losing Control
Sometimes perfectionism is also a way people attempt to seek control over their lives. The teenage years can be such a tender time, and your child might worry that making a mistake will result in their feared worst-case scenario coming true.
Is Your Child High-Achieving or Perfectionistic?
Young people can be goal-oriented without necessarily being perfectionistic. Knowing the key differences is important for understanding your child’s needs and supporting them effectively.
Motivation: Many successful people feel driven by a deep desire to learn and grow. Perfectionism, however, is often driven by a fear of failure or a fear of rejection from others.
Reactions to failure: Nobody likes to fail at something. However, real or perceived failure can feel debilitating to a perfectionist. A high-achieving child might reconcile mistakes and feel motivated to improve their performance, but a perfectionist tends to believe any mistake is unacceptable. Perfectionism may drive a shame based response to failure rather than one that is housed in a growth mindset.
Their general attitude about themselves: Perfectionism often manifests from low self-esteem. Therefore, children with perfectionistic tendencies are often very hard and critical of themselves.
Sense of life balance: If your child shows symptoms of perfectionism, they may spend excessive time on schoolwork or practicing their respective sports/hobbies. This practice tends to be limited or devoid of any real pleasure – instead, there almost appears to be a compulsive energy to perform well.
How Can Therapy Help With Anxiety and Perfectionism?
Mental and emotional challenges can persist and worsen without intervention or support. If you feel concerned about your teen’s anxiety, it can be worth exploring professional guidance. A therapist can provide your child with support, compassion, and action-based skills focused on improving their overall wellness.
Changing negative thoughts: Treating anxiety disorders often starts by examining the negative beliefs your child has about themselves. Understanding where this excessive worry comes from (and understanding its function) can lay the foundation for making meaningful changes.
Practicing healthy coping strategies: Treatment options for anxiety focus on themes of self-acceptance and mindfulness. In therapy, your child will learn about self-care and engage in relaxation techniques and other ways to manage stress effectively.
Improving self-esteem: Because anxiety and perfectionism can so deeply affect self-esteem, it is important for teenagers to build healthy relationships with themselves. Therapy can help them identify the factors impacting their self-esteem (i.e. certain friends, spending time on social media) as well as targeting what helps them feel good about themselves.
Family therapy: In some cases, family therapy may be helpful to treat anxiety, particularly if you’re struggling to connect with your child or set healthy boundaries. Family therapy aims to strengthen communication and foster a sense of safety within the system.
Therapy for Anxious Teens in St. Louis, MO
Anxiety may affect your child’s emotional and physical health, but early intervention can help them manage their symptoms and improve their quality of life. As a parent, you have an influential role in supporting your teenager during this time.
In my work with anxiety and perfectionism, I support teen clients to understand their triggers and learn new ways to take care of themselves. My approach to treatment is multifaceted, pulling from attachment-based care, exposure-response prevention, DBT, CBT, somatic therapy, and mindfulness. Please contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.
